


The Hank & Alex Show

by orphan_account



Category: X-Men (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-18
Updated: 2011-07-20
Packaged: 2017-10-21 12:31:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/225188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hank and Alex start getting along better.  Slash ensues.  Now complete!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. part1

The first time the assholes said something to Hank, Alex let him laugh it off. They were at a bar, people got drunk at bars, and Hank was pretty easygoing anyway. He told himself it was no big deal and just ordered another beer.

The second time they said something, it was less jovial and more taunting. Hank just took it, as always, but Alex wasn't happy. "Hey – lay off, that's my roommate," he said, loud enough for all three of them to hear. They rolled eyes but shut up, and Hank started practically _glowing_ with pleasure that Alex had stood up for him.

What a bozo. Alex waved for another beer.

But _then,_ one of them got in Hank's face a third time, even nastier than before, and poured half a drink in his lap. Hank turned red. Alex _saw_ red, and before anyone had time to react, he dragged the guy out of his seat, hit him in the stomach to double him up, and forced him to his knees.

He mashed the guy's face into the crotch of his jeans and held it there with both hands. " _Sit down_ ," he snarled to the friends, who had finally started to scramble out of their seats. They sat. "Now. Since your buddy is too busy inhaling my ball-sweat to say anything else, would any of _you_ people care to open your dumbass mouths in Hank's direction?"

Hank was staring in shock. The friends looked at him, at each other, at their drinks, anywhere _except_ at Alex. Like he was a wild beast you'd best not make eye contact with.

"That's right," Alex growled. He ducked down to grab the guy by the collar and hauled him to his feet. While he gasped and whooped for breath Alex turned him around and held him by the chest and hair. "Go ahead, Hank. You owe him one."

Hank still stared like he was speaking another language. "Cmon," Alex pressed; the guy was getting harder and harder to hold still as he got his wind back.

Hank climbed off his barstool and came to stand in front of them. He looked at Alex a few times, then finally slapped the guy across the face.

Alex managed not to roll his eyes. Instead he just growled: "You're lucky, pal. I would have broken your jaw," and chucked him onto the floor. "Cmon, Hank. We're done here."

************************************** 

Two days later.

“Okay, can I say something without offending you?”

Hank looked up from his book.  “What?”  Since when had Alex ever worried about _offending_ him?

“I’m sorry to have to break it to you, Hank, but you hit like a girl.  It’s pathetic.”  He took Hank by the shoulders and shook him.  “You have King Kong feet.  _Please_ tell me you can do better than that.”

Hank shrugged free and stood up.  “It’s not… look, not all of us are fighters, all right?  I’ve never gottenin a fight.  Ever.” 

“Wow.”  Alex stepped back.  He ran a hand through his hair.  “Okay, then I’m going to have to teach you a couple of things.  Otherwise we can’t go drinking together anymore.  Because that’s just embarrassing, to drink with a guy who doesn’t even know how to throw a punch.”

Hank glowered at him.  “Maybe I don’t _want_ to throw punches,” he said.  “Did you ever think of that?  I don’t like blood.”

“Fine.”  Alex wasn’t deterred in the slightest; he was in the mood to bond today and bond they would.  “Then we’ll start with this.  Cmere.”  He stepped close and put a hand on Hank’s shoulder, bending him forward a little.  “This is quick and it won’t leave a mark, so it’s good if you’re trying to make an impression without getting in trouble.  Look.”  He made a fist with his free hand and cocked it by his hip.  “You use your body, not so much your arm, and you hit _there_.”  He demonstrated an uppercut, slowly, pressing his fist to Hank’s midsection.

Hank just watched.  “See?  You don’t need to pull your arm back like a movie villain,” Alex showed one more time.  “You can do it from right here.  Watch – now I’m going to do it.”  He did, and Hank doubled up, gasping.

“You okay?”  Alex helped him straighten.  He chucked Hank’s arm over his shoulder into almost a hug, and patted his back.  “Yeah, it knocks your wind out.  You’re okay – just catch your breath.”

When he finally did he pushed Alex away and adjusted his glasses.  “That hurt,” he accused quietly.

“It’s supposed to.  That’s the whole point of punching people.”  Alex stepped in, grinning when Hank flinched.  “Cmon – your turn.”  He placed one of Hank’s hands on his neck.  “This holds me still.”  He balled Hank’s other hand into a fist.  “This punches me.  Go ahead.”

Hank tried it.  Alex shook his head.  “You’re doing what I showed you, except I didn’t even feel that.  Use force.”  Once or twice more, same result.  Alex finally stepped away.  “Come on, I _know_ you can do better.  I repeat: _you have King Kong feet_.”  He flicked Hank on the side of the head with his fingers, knocking on his skull.  “There has to be a beast in here somewhere.”

Hank ducked away.  “Quit it.”

“I mean it, man.  Hit me.  Really try – I promise I’ve had worse than one punch from a nerd who can’t fight.”  He squared up and waited.

“Alex…”

“Do I have to beg?”

Finally Hank held up his hand.  “Fine.  Wait.”  He closed his eyes, thought back to what the professor had told him, tried to remember what it felt like to let his power free.  When he was ready he nodded.  “Okay – one more try.”   He held Alex by the shoulder and cocked his fist, and this time really threw himself into it.

Alex was lifted off the ground completely and crashed into a set of shelves.  Hank ran to help, horrified, and was so busy checking for injury that he didn’t realize until ten seconds later that Alex was _smiling._   “Oh man,” Alex coughed.  “We’re gonna have to get a dummy to practice on – because I _need_ to see your right cross.”

*************************

TBC.

Fun starts next chapter...


	2. chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is where we start earning the rating.

******************************************

The bunk was shaking.  Hank lay in bed and looked up at the bottom of Alex’s mattress, and tried to just _will_ him to realize that his roommate wasn’t asleep.  When that failed, he tried shifting pointedly in bed, and then coughing.  Didn’t help.

So finally he cleared his throat and said: “Alex.  I’m awake.”

At once the bunk stopped rocking.  “Oh – sorry.  I woke you?”  He didn’t even sound embarrassed.

Hank didn’t know what you were supposed to say to someone who _didn’t care_ that they’d been caught masturbating.  “No, I’ve… been awake.”

“Okay, well, I’m almost done.  One second.”  The shaking resumed.

Hank held his breath.  How… _how_ could Alex think this was not strange?  He waited.  The shaking continued.  Alex was like a machine.  The amount of force he must be using to walk a heavy two-person bunk bed across the floor just boggled the mind.  “You’re going to damage yourself,” Hank said at last.

Alex laughed breathlessly.  “What, if I jack off too much I’ll go blind?”

“No, but you lose sensitivity when you-… when you do it so hard.”  Talking about it was much easier than actually listening to it happen.  “And then it becomes more difficult to achieve orgasm through normal stimulation.”

“Look I promise... my _achievements_ … are many,” Alex panted, still laughing.  “I’m fine.  Oh god – hold on – _mmn_.” 

Hank closed his eyes and tried to ignore the sound.  No good.  Later he tried forgetting it.  Still no good.

**********************************

A week later the bed was moving again.  “ _Alex,_ ” Hank hissed with much less embarrassment this time.  If Alex didn’t care, then why should he?

“What?”

“It’s rude to keep other people awake so you can-… do that.”

A sigh.  The bunk didn’t stop rocking.  “Nagging is just not sexy, Hank, and you’re only going to make me take longer.  Be quiet.”

Hank glared up at the underside of the bunk.  “Speaking of quiet, I _told_ you, if you’re making an earthquake you’re doing it wrong.  Masturbating with too much force and speed causes difficulties during intercourse.  Ease up.”

The bunk slowed until Hank could barely feel its vibration.  “Like this?  No way – this’ll never get me anywhere.”

“It will, eventually.  You just have to get used to it.”  He lay quietly, listening to Alex masturbate quietly, and he thought again how _strange_ it was that Alex had no problem with this.  Eventually he mused aloud, “I read somewhere that the sexual mores in prison are really different from the outside world.”

Alex stopped entirely.  “Yeah,” he said after a moment.

“Sorry – I’m sorry.”  Hank winced.  “I didn’t mean-… anything.   I was just thinking it’s strange you don’t seem to need privacy for this, that’s all, most people do, and I was just-”

“Hank.”  Alex cut him off.  “It’s okay.”  The bunk started rocking again.  “Of course it’s different – you’ve got a lot of guys sleeping in the same room, so yeah, you all hear each other.  And there’s no girls, so yeah, some guys do guys.  Trust _you_ to learn about sex from a _book_.”

“Oh.  Um… I never really... thought about… um.”  Hank’s mouth was dry and suddenly he realized he was exhibiting all the classic signs of arousal, still faint and faraway and probably invisible to anybody else, but… he knew.

He wished Alex would just hurry up and finish so he could go to sleep.

*********************************

Two nights later.  Two _nights_!  Alex couldn’t go longer than two nights without it?

“Sorry,” Alex anticipated.  “I know you’re awake.  I’ll be fast.”

“I’d rather you took your time and practiced not shaking the whole room,” Hank sighed.  “One of these days I’m going to get seasick.”

Alex snorted and quieted down a little.  “Better?”

“Yeah.”  He bit his lip.  He wasn’t going to ask, he _wasn’t._   “Alex?”

“Yeah?”

No, no, no.  Don’t ask!  “Did you ever-… the other day you said… Um.  Have you done guys?”

Alex paused for just a moment.  “Why?” he asked, guarded for a change.

“I don’t know.  I just… I never… um.”  He could hear himself fumbling and stammering like an idiot, but for some reason his clueless curiosity seemed to relax Alex completely.

“Yeah,” Alex said.  “There were a few guys on my block I was friends with for a while.  We watched each other’s backs so I never got jumped or anything… but yeah, they were my friends, so I let em do me.”

“ _What_?!”  Alex had-…?  Alex would let somebody-…?  _Alex_?

Alex laughed at his high-pitched squeak.  “Yeah.  Why?”

“No, I just… I just… wow.”  Hank noticed that his hand was sitting on the crotch of his pajama bottoms… and that they were tented.  He winced and looked away, but he couldn’t help curling his fingers.  He was going to hate himself for this in the morning.  Actually, he already did.  “Um… so what did it… feel like?”

A low chuckle.  “It was intense.”  His rhythm had slowed, and for once Hank wished he _would_ shake the bunk because then he would never notice that Hank’s half might be experiencing a few tremors itself.  “I’d catch somebody’s eye in the shower or something and we’d sort of _know._   Then when I was in my cell later he’d come up behind me and bend me over the bunk.  Sometimes hold me down like I was going to run away, but I’d be like, _relax man, I’m good,_ and then he’d ease up.”

Hank tried to breathe steadily.  “Then what?”

“Well, and then if I was lucky, I’d smell lotion.”

“Lotion-?... Oh.  As lubricant.”

Alex snorted.  “Yeah, Hank.  As lubricant.”

His mouth was so dry he could hardly talk.  “And what if you… weren’t lucky?”

“Spit.  Guys just used spit a couple of times.  And spit’s _never_ enough,” he declared.   “So don’t ever let anybody tell you it’s going to be enough, because it’s not.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.  So, if a guy’s trying to be polite and not mess you up, then first he sticks fingers into you, and it’s… man, the first couple of times it feels really _weird._   There’s no way to describe it.  It’s… it’s weird.  But you get used to it.”

“Does it hurt?”

“Hell yeah – somebody is _prying your ass open_ , man.  It always hurts.”  The bunk squeaked as he moved position.  “But it also feels kind of good.”

Hank could hear him smiling.  He bit his lip.

“When they put their dick in, okay, that’s another thing that always hurts at first.  Like, a lot.  But then it’s also good – really good.”

“What does it feel like?”

Alex jacked faster a moment, and in silence.  Then: “Crazy.  It feels crazy – I mean, there’s something _in_ you.  But it’s good.  It rubs in a good way.  And if you jack off at the same time, it’s incredible.  The best you’ll ever have.  _Fuck._ I’m gonna come in a minute.”

The bunk started rocking powerfully and Hank shivered at what he must be doing up there.  Then he found his voice.  “Slow down, Alex.”

“ _Christ,_ Hank.  Really?” Alex groaned, but slowed down. 

He was obeying.  Hank could hardly breathe.  “Okay, and stop squeezing.  Grip lighter – a lot lighter.  Now speed up, with a light grip.  See?”

Alex was breathing hard, with effort.  “It’s good but it’s not enough,” he gasped.  “I need to come.  Like now.  I _need_ to- _fuck_ , I need it.”

“All right, then put your other hand on your balls.  And just-”

“ _Ggh!_ ”  

Hank could hardly breathe as he listened to him finish.   He kept jerking himself, praying that Alex wouldn’t hear him – for all he knew, talking about masturbation was one thing but both masturbating at the same time would cross a line.

And then, horror of horrors, Alex’s face appeared over his railing.  “Are you-…?  Yeah, figured.”

Hank yelped and yanked his hand out of his pants, but he was so close it _hurt_ now and before long he had to put it back.  With Alex still watching.

“I tried your way.  How about you try mine?” Alex suggested.  “Yeah – fast like that.  Like it’s a race.  I’m going to count to five, see if you can come before then.  One.  Two.  Mm-hm, that’s it.  Three-”

“ _Fuck!_ ”  Staring into the eyes of another guy, gasping out a word he never used, Hank achieved the most powerful orgasm of his life.

Of his life so far, anyway.

**********************************

TBC.

Let me know what you think so far!  I think flustered clueless Hank is adorable.


	3. chapter 3

Hank stood in the bathroom, staring into the mirror.  “Hey, Alex, I have a question,” he began.  Then he frowned.  No, that sounded too… intense.  Nonchalance would be better.  He braced up and practiced saying it all at once.  “Hey, Alex, listen.  Would you have sex with me?”

No, that sounded like he was _asking._   Well… he _was_ asking, but still.  Maybe better not to commit himself.  “Alex… so, if you ever feel like…”

Or maybe start a little slower.  “Alex, so, the other night was really… _no!_ ” he growled it out loud to himself.  There was no _way_ he could get through that one without dying of embarrassment.

“The other night you mentioned intercourse with-”  No, no, he’d already decided he had to use colloquial phrasing instead of anything even remotely clinical, or Alex would only make fun.  Nothing more than two syllables.

“Hey so I was wondering, Alex, I’ve never been with a guy-…”  No.  _Been with_ was too romantic.  Probably not Alex’s style.

“Hey so Alex, I’ve never been done by a guy…”  No.  What was the passive voice for _doing_ somebody – was it really _been done by_?  That sounded odd.

“I’ve never let a guy do me…” No.  Sounded too much like he thought it was such a privilege.

No.  None of this sounded right.  Simplicity was probably best.  Coarse and simple.  “Alex,” he said firmly into the mirror.  “D’you want to fuck me sometime?”

 _Laughter._

Oh god no.

Hank turned from the mirror in horror, and yes, there in the doorway was Alex, hands on his hips, listening.  Oh god no.  Alex was going to mock him to _death_ for this.

But all Alex did was grin and cross his arms.  “I knew you’d ask.  And yes – I would love to fuck you, Hank.  Now?”

“Oh god.”

Alex locked the bathroom door behind him.  “Turn the shower on so nobody hears us.”

*********************************

Hank was standing with both arms braced on the counter, looking at himself in the mirror, simultaneously more terrified and more aroused than he had ever been in his life.

He reminded himself that likely his body was confusing the two, and the increased heartrate he was experiencing as a result of his arousal was making him think he was more terrified than he actually was and vice versa.  Biofeedback was fascinating – this _couldn’t_ be either as erotic or as terrifying as he was thinking.

He smelled lotion.  The things Alex had told him crashed over him all at once and yes this _was_ as erotic and as terrifying as he was thinking.  He could hardly breathe.

“Hey, relax,” Alex said easily.  “I know it’s your first time.  I’ll go slow.  See?”  He gave Hank’s hip a friendly pat and then pushed a finger into his body.

Hank cried out and pitched forward.  Alex’s grip on his shoulder kept him from slamming his face into the mirror, but just barely.

“Give it a second,” Alex said, low and smooth.  “I told you it’d be weird.”

Hank nodded spastically.  He knew you were supposed to relax your muscles, but how you were supposed to relax with Alex purring to you and twisting his finger in your rectum was a mystery.  He bit his lip.  He would figure this out.

And then something terrible happened: someone knocked on the bathroom door and said, “Hank?”

The professor.

Hank clutched the countertop and met Alex’s eyes in the mirror.  He was too frozen even to answer.

Alex _nudged_ him – from inside – and leaned close to his ear.  “Say something,” he breathed.

“Uh- I’m-… in here,” Hank managed.

“Are you all right?  I was passing by and I heard-…”  His voice trailed off.

 _Heard, or **heard**?_   Hank wondered.  Just in case the professor was _listening,_ he tried hard not to think about what was going on.

Alex prompted into his ear: “I’m fine.”

“I’m fine,” Hank repeated aloud.

“… I’m just getting my ass pried open.”

“ _Alex_!” he hissed.  Quietly, he thought.

Although perhaps not quietly enough – the professor sucked his breath in and stammered something incoherent about see you at dinner, and went away fast.

Once he was gone Hank hid his head in his hands and was about to suggest that they call the whole thing off.  But then Alex stroked in and out of him and pointed out, “If he knows already, we’ve got nothing to lose,” and the stroking felt so delicious that Hank lost all thoughts of stopping.  “Hank?  How are you?”

Hank groaned, but the sound made him jump – he had never heard his own voice so low and growly before.

Alex laughed.  “Beast,” he said, but before Hank had time to get offended he added: “Get ready.”

Hank was going to ask _for what?_  but it was too late; all at once he was being completely split open.  He pitched forward again and bit down on some noise and finally got himself together enough to realize that Alex had pushed a second finger inside him.

Alex moved, the same twisting in-and-out as before, but now it was too uncomfortable to relax into and he made an inarticulate sound that his partner correctly interpreted as _no_.

“Too much?” Alex said, without removing his hand.

Well, yes, but if he said so Alex might stop.   And he certainly didn’t want _that._   “I don’t know,” he squeaked at last.

Alex chuckled.  “Then it’s not.  If it was you’d _know_.”  He went back to what he was doing.  “But still I think this is it for you today – no fucking.”

Hank made another _no_ -sound and pushed back against him.  “I- I want to try.”

Alex’s turn to growl with hunger.  “I know you do,” he said, “And I promise we will.  But not today.”  After a moment he added, “Don’t you know the scientific value of patience?”

“Very funny, Alex,” he managed, breathless.  “Look, I’m all right – that was just a muscle spasm, it…  it feels good now.”

“Good.  So I’m going to keep doing it, just like this.”  He shifted to peer over Hank’s shoulder.  “In the meantime why don’t you jack off?  I’m seeing this raging boner going on down there.”

Hank actually moved to cover up, reflexively, until he realized how ridiculous that was.  Alex vocalized the thought for him:  “Hank… you just finished begging me to _fuck your ass_.  No blushing.”

Hank grasped himself and – under Alex’s encouraging nods – started to stroke.   For a while he just lost himself to the stroking and the fingers and it was wonderful… but then he realized that the whole time he was replaying Alex’s words over and over again in his mind.  That was ridiculous – Alex was right here.  Clearly there was more where that came from; all he had to do was ask.

“Um, Alex?”  He hesitated, then reminded himself that _talking dirty_ was actually a fairly common practice and totally normal.  “Um… will you really…” still he had to swallow first,  “…f-fuck my ass?”

Alex’s fingers twisted hard inside him and he shuddered.  He was close.

“Yeah.”   Alex got it right away.  He leaned close and dropped his voice.  “Yeah, I will.  I’m gonna go balls-deep in _here_ , Hank.”  A particularly forceful thrust.  “I am gonna stretch you so wide you don’t recognize yourself.”  His other hand came around to cover Hank’s mouth and Hank realized then that he was whimpering uncontrollably but there was no point trying to stop because he was _almost there._

“I hope you’re ready,” Alex told him, “Because I am going to give you an ass-fucking you never forget.  I’m going to bend you over your bed and take your ass-virginity so hard you-”

That was all he heard before he gasped Alex’s name and shot come all up over the mirror.  He wailed when Alex finally drew his fingers out.  He hung onto the counter with both hands.  Shaking.  His legs were so weak he finally gave up and just folded down to the ground.

Alex laughed and helped lean him against the bathtub, then ruffled his hair and said: “Now what was that about a light grip again?  I knew about the King Kong _feet,_ but Jesus, you could’ve uprooted trees just now.”

The feet again.  Hank started to bristle, but found he was feeling too lazy and contented to really get angry.  And then it occurred to him, out of nowhere, that maybe Alex didn’t mean any harm – his voice was warm and, after all, he _had_ just given sexual pleasure with nothing in it for himself.

When he opened his eyes to confirm the theory he discovered Alex was smiling – and not in a nasty way.  No insult meant.  So, he just raised his fists and wearily beat his chest.  “Oo-oo.”  It was maybe the most exhausted gorilla impression ever to have graced the planet, but it cracked Alex up and earned another hair-ruffle.

Hank could maybe, _maybe_ learn to tolerate taking crap from his roommate if it always ended like this.

The End.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally planned to write them banging, but now I think it’s cute like this and I’m going to end it here.


End file.
